HAPPY new year! That’s right, the dad joke puns have made it into 2020.
Welcome back to another year of trying to clock the rat race.
There is nothing in life more important than happiness. We all want to be happy. Most of us want our friends and families to be happy. It is the overarching goal that all of us share. The holy grail.
But is happiness the right goal? I think we are pursuing the wrong goal here.
what is happiness?
I don’t think it needs a formal definition. We all know when we are happy and when we are not. It is a feeling. An emotion.
Because it is a feeling we have a lot of control over how we feel.
Happiness tends to be a fleeting feeling, whereas contentedness is longer lasting. A content person doesn’t always have to always be happy, but they are very good at minimising negative distractions. Contentedness is more a permanent state of mind, than a fleeting feeling. Think of it as being at peace.
I for one would much rather be content than happy. To go through life content, without too many worries is my version of happiness.
And holding a full time job that I don’t thoroughly enjoy until the age of 65 will not bring me any feelings of content. It is just getting in my way. I am not against full time work. I am just against full time work that I wouldn’t do for free.
My full time job is merely a vehicle to buy me more time to achieve a more balanced life.
How can one achieve contentedness?
That is the million dollar question isn’t it. For each of us, the specifics will vary as much as the differences in our underwear. However, the broad categories will remain the same.
So what are the keys to being content/happy?
1/. Purpose
If you can do something you love on a regular basis then that will have a significant impact on your ability to achieve long lasting happiness/contentedness.
By finding activities that bring you joy, you will live your best life. This may be gardening, travel, working, volunteering, leisure activities. There are almost countless places to find your purpose and will vary greatly from person to person.
Mine are being a teacher to my daughter, volunteering, playing sport, spending time with family, financial coaching, and slow travel.
Because I am still tied to a full time job that is not on my list of purposeful activities, I am not as content as I’d like to be. That is why I am striving for financial independence. So I can do more of these activities.
Sure, I am already doing some of them (except for the slow travel), but I would love to do much more. However I can’t, due to limited time. Financial independence will remove the need for a full time job and will buy me more time to do these things that bring me purpose.
2/. Connections
Having a good social network of friends and family is a critical element in achieving long lasting contentedness. Having time for the people we love and care is extremely valuable. Likewise, so is removing time for people that bring us unhappiness. Toxicity is contagious, so try to interact with positive people.
I had a good life when I was single, but now that I am married and have a child my life is even better as it has much more meaning thanks to building close connections to people near and dear to me, that I previously did not have.
3/. Growth
An important element of being content is the feeling that you are getting better as a person each year. Learning new skills, getting fitter or stronger, being a better partner or parent, getting better at our jobs.
Through self improvement and growth we become the best possible version of ourselves and what can be more satisfying than that?
4/. Challenge
Challenges tend to run alongside growth. We grow our most when we go outside of our comfort zones. When we take on new challenges.
I wrote about all the benefits of going outside your comfort zone here. But basically, being challenged will allow you to live a more balanced life, with a wide range of experiences. Ultimately leading to being more passionate about life.
5/. Autonomy
Autonomy is basically freedom and is the core benefit of financial independence. Being able to live life according to your own beliefs and values without worry of having to earn an income. In other words, you don’t have to compromise on your beliefs and do anything you don’t want to do because you need the money.
Freedom over your time so that you decide how to fill your days will have a huge impact towards long term happiness.
The irony for most of us is that we buy things such as daily coffees and annual holidays to help make our work days bearable, yet these are the very things that make us have to work there longer than we have to.
6/. Gratitude
When I was younger I always wanted more. Everything was a competition with my peers. We all wanted to be the best. Who could buy the best food, the best clothes and the best alcohol. Then as I aged it become all about the best cars and best houses. We were buying things because we weren’t happy with our current situation. Comparison never ends up well. Comparison is the thief of joy and happiness. There will always be someone smarter, richer, physically gifted, better looking than you.
Happiness is not about what you can buy. There are people in the poorest pockets of Africa that are just as happy, if not happier than the richest people in the world. That is because they have the autonomy and connections. They don’t need much more than that. Much like the Mexican fisherman
Not until I hit my mid 30’s have I become much more content with my current life. I have a lot of gratitude for what I already have. I am happy with enough and I have no desire for more. This change in thinking has led to a much more content existence for me.
7/. Health and leisure
Last, but not least, is health and leisure. None of the above concepts mean anything if we don’t have our health.
From 2014 – 2018 I had unbearable back and leg pain. I was barely able to go to work. In fact, I had to take a lot of time off. Outside of work, I was basically in bed day and night taking all kinds of painkillers. It was no way to live and was a very difficult time for me.
I have always been an active person who was heavily into sports and exercise, so to have that taken away from me took me far away from happiness.
During this period of being bed ridden I was able to pick up on a few of the other 7 concepts though. Purpose, growth and challenge.
During this period of not being able to move much, but time on my hands, I started learning about personal finance. I earned my financial adviser qualification and I started my financial advice business.
So, it wasn’t all doom and gloom and I am thankful for distance learning and the internet. If I wasn’t able to satisfy my growth, purpose, and challenge needs, I probably would have ended up in a mentally dark place.
Now that my back is better I am starting to do a bit of exercise again and I must say it has been fantastic. Health and leisure activities for me is, and always be, a big part of my life.
Final Thoughts
We need to stop chasing happiness. That is the wrong goal. Happiness is only a short term feeling. The search for happiness is what tends to get us into financial trouble as it is a short term solution. The search for happiness is what causes us to buy that oversized house, or the fancy lounge suite, or the three times a week we eat takeaway lunches.
We should be chasing something that is much more long-lasting. And that is contentedness. For me that is achieved through a combination of the seven concepts listed above (ideally all of them). These are concepts that I have found to be hugely important for my well being and I would think they are universally important for others too. It is just the specifics that may vary.
The beauty is most of these things do not require much money, but they do require time.
The irony is it is hard to create time if we don’t have the money first.
So, in a roundabout way, money actually does buy happiness. But indirectly. Money buys time which buys happiness.
That is why financial independence is so important in achieving long lasting happiness, as long as you use the time that you buy wisely.
So, stop the YOLO happiness chasing, and start chasing being content.
The information contained on this site is the opinion of the individual author(s) based on their personal opinions, observation, research, and years of experience. The information offered by this website is general education only and is not meant to be taken as individualised financial advice, legal advice, tax advice, or any other kind of advice. You can read more of my disclaimer here